He didn't mean to go all weird on everyone. With everything that had happen in the first few months of the year, god knows, no one needed that. Kate, Caleb, they needed him being weird like a hole in the head. But there were times when he just couldn't keep it all inside.

At least they were used to it. When he got too restless or jittery he went for a ride, grabbed his helmet and kissed Kate and said he'd be back in half an hour and just took off. Down the road. Wherever he could or felt the inclination to turn, he did. Whenever he could get away with breaking the speed limit, he did that too. He drove as fast as he could, as far as he could and still get back in whatever time limit he'd promised.

It helped. Sometimes it helped. Other times it just barely enabled him to push it down until he could be alone, until he could stand on the roof and feel the wind trying to push him over.

School had been busy and it's been a much needed and welcome distraction for Sarah. This was, after all, the entire reason she was here at Spenser: to get good grades, maintain her scholarship, and get into Harvard. Everything else was just a bonus. Of sorts.

Perhaps she'd been distant recently, from Caleb and the rest, except Kate of course, even if they'd been missing each other lately, too. Sarah didn't want to push anyone away, but it was too easy - comforting - to bury herself in what she knew.

Today, however, she'd figured enough was enough. She'd asked if Caleb wanted to get together and hang out, go out, anything. Spend time together. Try to be a normal couple. She was ready for that.

She puttered around her room waiting for him to arrive, tidying up even though he'd been here many times and never seemed to mind the bit of mess she and Kate had around before. Strange to be nervous about this all over again. Sarah hoped it would go away when she saw him.

Kate was enjoying the cool night breeze and listening to her I-pod in the enclosed courtyard by the dorms. Sarah was upstairs talking to Caleb on the phone and she had decided to give her friend some much needed privacy. She'd grill her for details afterwards anyway.

She curled up on the bench and thought back to Caleb's birthday party/rave. It had been amazing. Pogue had done such a good job of planning everything. The guys had teased him about becoming a regular little Martha Stewart lite. She blushed as she remembered how she'd practically pawed him in front of their friends. But it had been a fantastic kiss--and they had agreed to go with what felt right to them. So she shouldn't feel bad about taking things a bit further. The problem was she still had issues with the truth he'd been keeping from her. Not enough to be a huge problem, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't still hurt. Some days were better than others, however, and she could get through them without remembering. But there were still some days when just seeing Pogue in class would cause her heart to constrict a little in pain. But she was getting there. Day by day she was getting to where she could fully forgive him.

And she wanted so badly to forgive him so that they could completely move on. Kate had been afraid--seriously afraid--that he didn't love her. But she realized she had been foolish to believe that. She could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. It made her feel better to know she hadn't been wrong about his feelings for her. It gave her a little hope that they could now start fresh, could wipe the slate clean and open up to each other. No more secrets; no more walls between them. He'd even opened up to her about his sexuality. They loved each other and things were looking up.

So why did she feel there was still something he wasn't telling her?

( Hi, Daddy...Collapse )

It wasn't as big as the party at the Dells, but it was trying. He'd rented out a warehouse (okay, bribed a guy to let him use it) and its environs for the purpose, satisfied in the knowledge that there weren't any neighbors for miles around to complain about the noise. DJ, lights, sanctioned refreshments were all out. Sodas and pretzels. If people wanted to bring beer that was their business, but he wasn't having his party busted up because of the cops cracking down on drunk minors.

The six of them had their own party room, too, back at one end of the warehouse. Table, chairs, drinks, ice cream cake for Caleb. He'd drag them all back there to sing happy birthday or something later.

In the meantime, this was a real party. A great party, all the better for the fact that it wasn't going to be interrupted by any damn psychopath. Well, any psychopath worse than Aaron, who he'd seen giving him nasty looks across the locker room the other day. Stupid.

Pogue leaned against his crappy backup motorcycle and waited for the rest of the gang to get there.

Kate sighed in relief as the final bell rang and she practically flew out the door and down the hall. She was headed to Sarah's last class to meet her, and the girls would head to the office supply store after they changed out of their uniforms. While she hurried along, she dialed the numbers Pogue had given her and left voice messages for both Tyler and Reid to meet them later to help put up the fliers.

As she approached the classroom door, she noticed Sarah inside waiting to talk to the teacher who was occupied with another student. Sarah noticed her and mouthed 'five minutes'. Kate nodded and stepped back out into the hall to wait--when someone bumped into her hard, causing all her notebooks to fly out of her hands. Papers scattered everywhere.

"I'm so sorry!" Kate muttered even though she wasn't the one really at fault. As she bent down to gather up her papers, she looked up and promptly groaned. Aaron and his bitchy girlfriend, Kira, were standing there grinning down at her.

"Oops. Sorry." Kira simpered, obviously not very sorry at all. "Didn't see you there, Kate."

"I'm sure." Kate replied sarcastically and continued to collect her things. Exasperated at the fact that they were purposely blocking her progress, she finally snapped. "Either you two help me pick up my stuff or get the hell out of my way!"

Aaron snickered and leered at her. "Ooh, you're a fiesty one, aren't you?" Kira glared at him, but he didn't seem to notice the daggers his girlfriend was throwing his way. Kate just ignored him and quickly continued picking up her papers. Unfortunately, she noticed the flier for the rave right by his foot at the exact same time he did.

"Hey, what's this?" Aaron bent down to grab the paper, but Kate beat him to it and snatched it away. It hadn't been positioned where he could read it easily, but Kira might have. Kate shot a furtive glance at the mean spirited girl, but she was still glaring at Aaron. Kate knew that the rave wasn't really a secret and the fliers would alert everyone in school about it, but still. She really didn't think Pogue wanted Aaron and his annoying crew to try and stir up trouble before then.

"None of your damn business." Kate hissed and finished assembling her notebooks. She would have said more, but Sarah walked out just then.

The house was always quiet, but it had seemed to be more so since they'd gotten back and the silence was starting to grate on Caleb's nerves. Having Pogue there had been the only thing that kept him there. He could have checked on his mother and then...slept somewhere else. The guesthouse. The old house with his father's ghost. The apartment over the stables. Something. Anything to get away from the crushing quietude that lingered, not even broken by the clink of ice in a glass.

Evelyn was a ghost, silent as her husband, as her house. She was barely eating, but seemed as uninterested in alcohol as she was food and Caleb wasn't sure whether that was a blessing or a curse. He coaxed her every night to take just a few more bites, but the shadows in her eyes locked in the truth of what she'd done, and he could tell she was reliving it and nothing he said seemed to pull her out of it.

The house was mourning, and not just for William. Her terror was palpable in the walls and it just heightened his, scrambling beyond her fear that she'd follow in William's footsteps, a comforting fear in a way because it had always been there. But now it was as if he was almost gone and he had to fight the urge to scream at her that she'd done what she did to save him, and he was here and now they both had to live with it, but he was here.

Instead he just begged her to eat a little more soup.

He went upstairs after and collapsed on his couch next to Pogue who appeared to be doing something that was not homework. Caleb didn't feel much like homework either, for all that he had a ton to do. Instead, he tossed Pogue's pillow and blankets into the chair and curled up on that end of the sofa, hunting for the TV remote.

Kate put the finishing touches on the rave flier and stared at her work with a critical eye. It looked stupid to her, but it would have to do. Sarah had already agreed to help her copy the paper after school tomorrow, and all she would need was word from Pogue on when he wanted them handed out. She'd sent him a picture message to his cell of the rough draft she'd made earlier on in the day, and now she'd send him the final one. Snapping a quick pic of the flier, she quickly uploaded it to his number. Hopefully he'd like it.

So far everything was going smoothly for Caleb's birthday party. She really hoped Caleb liked it. God knows the poor guy needed a break.

He wasn't sure how to bring up the subject with Reid, now that Kate had pointed that out. It had been almost two years, maybe over two years since they'd had their one-night stand, and at the time that's all he'd thought it was. A one-night stand. At most, friends with benefits. Reid just wasn't the type to get all emotional and attached to anyone, at least not in the in-love kind of way. Or so Pogue had thought. Talking with Kate had made him question a lot of that.

And if nothing else, he did want to talk to him about what they'd said. What they'd accused him of, now that things had settled. And maybe find out what else he might uncover about his friend. Reid always had been kind of an enigma, predictable and yet not at the same time. Every time Pogue thought he had him figured out, something else happened. Something pissed him off, or hurt him (which looked a lot like pissed off from what Pogue could tell) or he'd get excited about something Pogue would never have thought grabbed his interest.

Whatever. Doing laps always calmed him down, and afterwards he snagged Reid away from harassing Tyler to talk to him a little ways away from the rest of the gang. He didn't even stop to check if Reid had gotten dressed. Or a towel. Probably not.

As soon as school let out for the week, Tyler and Reid headed directly to the students' parking lot. They'd packed their bags the night before, at Tyler's insistence. He wanted to make sure they could hit the road as soon as possible.

It wasn't often that the four of them were seperated, and he was ready to see the end of it.

The drive to the cabin was pretty quiet. He decided it was because he and Reid both knew they had fucked up pretty badly, and didn't want to talk about it. Maybe. Tyler was used to having a pretty good feel for things, but most of that came from watching. It was amazing how much people told you, if you just shut up.

Okay. Didn't talk.

Still, if you were needed to see people to know how they were really doing. Then you needed to see them.

He'd gotten to his room and slung down the bags and the first thing that greeted him was a note and a glint of metal on the table. He had a feeling he knew what it was. And as restful as the week had been at the cabin, they hadn't really resolved much of anything. Maybe they'd been too alone for most of it. It had gotten better with Reid and Tyler back. Maybe it was the uncertainty with the girls.

Uncertainty that shaped itself into cold, hard dread when he saw it. He unpacked, being unnaturally neat with how he put stuff away, if only to delay opening the damn thing. He couldn't draw a deep enough breath, which, he allowed, could also have been the fact that his head felt somewhat packed with cotton. It was hard to think. He blinked, and brushed his hand over his face. No, of course not.

He grabbed the envelope, the key, everything, and went and sat down on the couch. Turning it over in his fingers, over, and over. There had to be something he could do. Something. Damned if he could think of what it was, though.